Monday, August 25, 2008

a few weeks ago i realized something. it was a realization that was more like being in a pool thats empty, thinking that something is missing, then having the water fill up and up and up all around you till you realize - "oh, it's a pool"

i was driving home from hanging out with this girl one time. at the time, i had a crush on her, but i hadn't told her. it was frustrating for me. i believe we've all been in this situation before where you know how you feel, but the other person doesn't and you know that if they just knew, then everything would be radically different.

you are there with them and you hear about how they are struggling in relationships and make mistake after mistake. they try dating this person, and you know that it's not a good situation, but you can't say anything because they are so caught up in the moment that they wont listen. all the meanwhile you think to yourself, "if only they knew how much i cared about them then they wouldn't bother with those other people". it hurts to see them go through pain and hardships and you want to be there but it isn't your place. it's this little wall that is up that you keep poking your eyes over, but they aren't looking.

i see parents with their children and never noticed something until this ride home. i started thinking about how i felt towards this girl and realized it was just a crush. it's not even anything more then that. when i see a parent with their child at the store, you see this connection between the two. it's a trust that is formed, a bond that is deeper then a name and stronger then iron. when a child wanders away, it cries. it will cry and bawl if it is not in the presence of the parents that love them so much. they don't realize this of course, they can't grasp the power of what that is, but they just experience it and can't stand being without it.

as this went through my mind i realized something and that made my heart break more then i could handle

God loves us so much. he loves us as his children, his family and in ways we can't possibly comprehend. it's beyond us. and when there is that gap between us, he longs for us to come home. i imagine that when people don't know God yet, it hurts Him. He sees our struggles and he sees how we will try having relationships with things the world finds important and God sees and just says "No, that doesn't matter". He sees how we cry at night when we get hurt emotionally because of dating, and hurt even worse when we follow the world. we will try to hold on to these fleshly desires but it will never work and God knows that because He sees the picture. He understands how powerful His love is and wants us to embrace that love and not this world. when we are in His presence and grasp the idea that He cares about us and loves us, then we are filled with joy and can't grasp why.

Romans 8:39
"nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord"