Wednesday, May 21, 2008

remember, write legible this time

when i type, i usually don't capitalize anything. today i attempted (and succeeded) to think back to the root of that. i think it started when i wanted to make my writing just look smaller. without capitalizing anything, the second level of all my writing vanished, which was great. i suddenly broke my chains of slavery to the "shift" key. this felt original. i felt like this simple decision had changed my life forever. i looked at everything i wrote with new passion and it began with my having to "correct" my writing to make it "my style" "in quotes".

this also made it possible to put more emphasis on things i felt were important. this in turn led me to trying to decide what is actually important enough for me to put the effort into capitalizing. i came to the conclusion that only God was important enough to require that elusive "shift" key

but why do i think this. why is it in even simple writing, usually to myself, that God is something revered ad set apart. i like to think that that could mean that God is always on my mind when i write, but that's just not true. only when it comes to addressing a matter associated with God in some way, does it come up. this, this sucks.

why can't i just keep Him in my thoughts when i'm doing even the littlest things like brushing my teeth or trying to find my ipod shuffle. it's also hard to remind myself that today i ate a can of pirngles before "friends" was over and that even in that, God could be proud of me. that God likes me and is proud of me, even when i'm covered in crumbs and can't find the remote. how is it that every time i go to write, i will remember not to capitalize "i" or "franklin roosevelt" or "forrest gump" but when i'm done hanging out with a friend, i don't thank God for bringing them into my life. what do i thank God for? the food as i'm about to eat it?

originally, i would pray before eating to honestly thank God for proving to me daily that He is a God that provides. now it's become routine to race through meaningless words to begin the meal. it takes the relationship out of the equation when your mind focuses on meat and potatoes rather than love and grace.

why should i pray before going to bed? the original thought of doing it, in my mind, was to thank God for the day. Muslims pray five times a day, every day, and they always get down on their knees and face east, and pray. when i go to sleep, sometimes that's the only time of the day that i've spoken with God and i'm usually lying under my sheets, rushing through the words. screw that. i know you don't have to be on your knees to pray, but where is the relationship in that.

i'm tired of acknowledging the power and authority of God only when i have to spell it. eff that
time to change something in my life

later
-luke

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